There are abounding acceptance about victims of abuse, such as, they tend to be passive, calmly manipulated, pushovers, doormats, etc. Never do you apprehend bodies call victims of abuse, particularly, calm abandon victims, as able or courageous, or annihilation positive.
I would like to set the almanac straight. Many, if not most, victims of calm abandon and/or affecting corruption tend to be strong, intelligent, likable, abstruse and well-put-together women, with abundant personalities. Abounding of these women are the sole banking providers of the home. They tend to be actual analytic and able-bodied apprehend and accept the bind they are in and the problems in the relationship, but they acquisition themselves admiring an abuser and aloof can’t absolutely amount out why they stay.
The irony is that these women accept abounding strengths and it is the strengths that accumulate them trapped. Here is a account of these strengths:
This account is not exhaustive, but these attributes accept to abide in best victims of abuse. Let’s altercate how these ancestry accumulate these women trapped in calumniating relationships.
Forgiving: As continued as one’s accomplice is affectionate all the time, the abuser knows he can do whatever he wants and his accomplice will absolve him. Why would he bother alteration if there was no allurement to do so?
Compassionate: The primary acumen victims of corruption break in with their abusers, is because they over-identify with the abuser’s “hurt self.” The victim feels apologetic for the abuser, answer that, “He doesn’t absolutely beggarly it and he’s alone acting this way because he had a asperous childhood.”
Hopeful: Victims of corruption are consistently acquisitive for a bigger tomorrow. They anticipate absolutely and accept in all possibilities.
Forward Thinking: As mentioned above, victims of corruption accept a abundant adeptness to artlessly move on and stop attractive back. This is a anatomy of “abuse amnesia,” which occurs aback victims of corruption act as if the corruption never happened. In fact, they are so abstruse on “moving on” that they balloon they were angered aloof 30 abnormal afterwards it happened!
Flexible: They don’t accept to get their own way and are all-around to angle with the wind. Aback the abuser wants to do about annihilation the victim will be advanced and accommodating. Usually, they aloof go with the flow. This affection enables abusers to aloof do whatever they appetite after a affliction in the apple for anyone else’s desires.
Strong: Able women can handle anything. Unfortunately, they sometimes don’t accept to apprehend that they don’t accept to.
Persevering: Victims of corruption use the affection of backbone to adhere in there, attempt through, be tough, and never accord up! An abuser’s absolute woman!
Loyal: Victims of corruption pride themselves in actuality loyal and “standing by their man,” no amount what. Abusers appeal adherence as able-bodied – forth with secretiveness. Victims of corruption abide loyal to their abusers by cogent no one the accuracy about their relationship.
Faithful: Faithfulness is a actual blue-blooded trait. Aback corruption victims are affectionate to their abuser, they are giving him a allowance that he absolutely doesn’t deserve, nor does he reciprocate. Faithfulness is devotion. No amount how aching an abuser is to his victim, she will abide deeply affectionate to the relationship. In fact, she may accept that her abuser alone needs for herself to advance in adjustment for him to stop abusing. In this account she becomes added affectionate to the accord than she is to herself as she turns herself into a pretzel in adjustment to fix the situation.
Self-Sacrificing: Victims of corruption cede their own affecting and brainy abundance for the account of the added person. Victims of corruption abort to alike apprehend they accept needs of their own that should be abounding to.
Open-Minded: Bodies with an accessible apperception tend to be minimally judgmental. After judgment, perpetrators of abandon and added types of anti-social behaviors are accustomed to amusement their ally any way they want, no amount how vile, and the victims will not canyon judgment. Victims may accept this affection is noble, but as you can see, in the amiss relationship, it can be destructive.
Responsible: Amenable victims will “own” the problems in the relationship, and will do annihilation humanly accessible to fix the relationship; all the while, declining to apprehend the futility of their responsbility in the problem. Aback bodies are in calumniating relationships, the botheration is the abuser(s).
Patient: One affair is for abiding – victims of corruption can wait. They can delay until the corruption is over and activity goes aback to normal. Abusers capitalize on this affection in their victims by actuality angry, mean, disrespectful, and aching as continued as they appetite and need. They accept abstruse that their victims will booty it and be there aback the storm is over.
Over time, abusers “manage down” victims expectations for what to animate with in their relationships. It’s the Stockholm affection in action; this occurs aback victims alpha affectionate the times the abusers are not actuality abusive; blank the times they are. Over time, abusers bandy bald “crumbs” appear their targets and the targets don’t alike apprehend what happened.
Victims of abuse, and others in general, abort to apprehend that perpetrators of corruption do not acknowledge these acceptable qualities in their ally in the absolute faculty of the word; rather, they accomplishment these acceptable qualities for their own abominable purposes.
Victims charge appear to a abode area they apprehend that it is their claimed strengths that are befitting them bent in their calumniating relationships. Victims’ actual best qualities are what perpetrators of corruption calculation on the best in adjustment to accumulate the calumniating patterns alive.
Victims can alone balance aback they stop and see that their acceptance arrangement needs to be adapted and they charge to accord themselves permission to airing away.
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