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Some bodies are admirers of the website Deadspin. But many, abounding added bodies are NOT admirers of the website Deadspin. This 2014 website examination is for those in the closing group. You can apprehend antecedent previews here.

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Your website: Deadspin, still allotment of the Gawker network, still a advanced for Denton’s coke laundering, still application ambiguous titles for THOSE PAGEVIEWS, DOE.

Your 2013 record: 1. Again. Bear in mind, though, that this is a mediocre, half-assing, non-Schiano-man 1, hardly fit to flash the shoes of antecedent 1 years. Comments accept gotten appreciably lamer, with assorted pro-caliber commenters clearing for puns that any Bleacher Report sheepfister can understand. I appeal abstruse references to pop-culture contest that booty an adventure of Sherlock to decode! You bodies accept gotten fucking lazy.

Your editor: Still the asleep bark of meat accepted as Tommy Craggs, who dies a little added anniversary day he’s affected to upload a Grierson and Leitch analysis of some bruised cine that cipher gives two biscuit shits about. I’m abiding Craggs wishes he’d kept his aperture shut like a acceptable ESPN bombinate so he wouldn’t accept to eat top ramen every night because Denton doesn’t pay anyone anything. Tommy Craggs is ashore in a amaranthine hell of his own devising, and if he could run a sub 5.0 40, he would be advised a Cleveland Brown.

Your arch contributor: Still Drew Magary. I affirm to Satan’s agrarian , does no one abroad at this website apperceive how to cord words calm in the English language? I appetite a new contender, accession to advance Magary off his all caps-lock throne. I appetite CONTROVERSY, dammit. I mean, you can acquaint Drew’s benumbed aback he writes a babble commodity like this. NO HATER’S GUIDE TO THE TOP 25?! How am I declared to apperceive which crableg-lusting ACC quarterback or racist Pac-54 drillmaster to complete my gallons of acerbity and ragespittle at? Magary ability as able-bodied abdicate and go booty over for Easterbrook at this point.

Every year, appropriate about this time, I cobble calm a Hater’s Guide to the Top 25 teams in…

Also, this shitheel wears a anorak angry about his waist like some yuppy aerial schooler and he’s A GROWN MAN WITH KIDS. Somebody alarm Child Protective Services. Those poor kids are fucking bedevilled to a activity of passive-aggressive disappointment and absinthian alcoholism.

What’s new that : Well, a accomplished lot of bodies who never knew what the words “gaping futanari non-consensual” put calm beggarly got a complete quick apprenticeship address of the COMPLETELY UNFORESEEABLE corruption of bearding burner accounts. Thankfully, Gawker Media did commodity about it anon afterwards it was brought to their attention, and by immediately, I beggarly months later, because WHO THE SHIT CARES ABOUT WOMENBITS WHEN THERE’S SPORTS STUFF, AMIRITE, RAY RICE? Don’t balloon to buy that pink, ladies! A accomplished 5 percent goes to cancer! Menstruation voids the warranty!

Working at Gawker Media is a dream job for abounding of the women on agents actuality at Jezebel. This is a…

While I’m on the accountable of burner accounts, the accessible attitude Gawker (and by association, Deadspin) has taken on them is aloft ludicrous. You guys aren’t enabling the aing Edward Snowden. Deep Throat 2 isn’t advancing your way (unless you adjudge to accord Steve Phillips a job). If accession wants to accord you a agreeable hot tip that’ll set the apple on fire, because acutely that’s what sports annual (or political annual that puts TMZ to shame, in the case of Gawker) does, they’ll accomplish a throwaway email annual at a accessible library and accelerate you a note. The alone affair burner accounts do is accomplish me appetite to scream “IT’S A FUCKING SCHOONER” whenever I see that abhorrent pixelated square.

Another admirable accession to Deadspin that induces an afire appetite to bake a schoolbus abounding of disabled puppies animate are the autoplaying videos that intermittently pop up aback I admission the armpit on my phone. If I appetite to watch an eight-second blow of some beast who thinks throwing a baseball to home bowl agency recreating the Winona Ryder ping-pong brawl blow from South Park, afresh I’ll bang on it myself, accede you actual abuse much. I apprehend that the Internet is boring axis us all into the bodies from Wall-E, but we’re not there yet. I can still administer to aggregation the accomplishment appropriate to lift my abject feel and afresh lower it again. Apparently because I do CrossFit.

What has consistently sucked: Yup, you all knew it was coming. Kinja. By some amazing happenstance, whoever the lead-paint-huffing window licker is who’s in allegation of Kinja (probably Burneko—seriously?) has somehow managed not to absolutely redesign the complete alarming interface for a amount best than four months. Somebody accord that MENSA applicant a medal!

Please agenda that this in no way renders Kinja functional, in any way, shape, or form. I get notifications on my annual (nice use of the red circle, guys; I’m abiding Apple has no affairs to sue for absorb violation) that consistently alter me to goat.se whenever I try to click, look, or alike anticipate about utilizing a action that actually millions of added websites accomplish assignment on an accustomed basis. MUST BE MAGIC. Also, the connected splintering of subsites into added subsites into microblogs into Grindr requests is basically the complete adverse of what you appetite to do to draw bodies to a distinct aggregator of news.

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Other things that accept consistently sucked about Deadspin accommodate not accepting starred commenters anymore, sponsored posts that appealing abundant bits all over the belief of amenable journalism, and the actuality they’ll let any blockhead with an overinflated faculty of their own ego cavalcade whatever afflicted mouth they feel like sharting out. BANG-UP JOB THERE, FELLOWS.

Hello. My name is Chris Kluwe, and for eight years I was the punter for the Minnesota Vikings. In…

What ability not suck: Well, at atomic you guys haven’t aggressive your own banter Twitter annual based on the aggregate applesauce of the affliction genitalia of humanity. I assumption that counts for something. Also, this Greg Howard guy seems like he can write. You should accord him Drew’s job.

The United States of America is not for atramentous people. We apperceive this, and afresh we put it out of our…

Hear it from Deadspin fans!

Ryan:

Subject: Nashville/Titans Blot Post

Our Dearest Drew,

We were so afflicted by your affectionate words and centermost amore for our burghal and our aggregation that we absitively to barter pleasantries. Aboriginal off, accede you for lumping all of us into the aforementioned apprenticed chic as the abominable Bobby Boucher. What addle-pate makes fun of bodies application sounds like drrr besides anemic and blah writers like you who apparently got exhausted up in academy by a ample fat kid for authoritative fun of him. Ha. We would pay acceptable money to see that kid bang your ass on YouTube again. Alike better, we would adulation to see Tommy Smith sit on your face and bear you a fart so bad your abdomen would explode.

Wait for it. Wait for it….. Ahhhhh

That arena aloof played out in my head. Priceless!!!

Of course, the ultimate anatomy of delight would be for old man Adams to appear aback from the grave and accord you the old one gun solute appropriate up the aforementioned aperture area your man acquaintance went aftermost night. Ouch! Aback are you activity to stop absolution Mr. Sam abrasion out the alone solid decay accouterments cesspool you accept to defecate all the bits that your abounding of. I beggarly , if you were a bigger a-hole, Wikipedia would accord new acceptation to the byword “dirty bomb”.

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Look Drew, we apperceive your abject hurts, and all that affliction charge be unbearable, but amuse try to abstain autograph aback your hemorrhoids are afire up. It absolutely is below you. The “bottom” bandage is that no one absolutely cares about a apologetic abscessed ass exhausted biographer that has some austere amoroso issues.

Ice up son, ice up!

Love,

Some Impaired Old Rednecks

Shaka:

Subject: Why the Falcons Blot Real

Hey Drew,

Your a ablution canoe.

Sent on a Sprint Samsung Galaxy S® III

Justin:

Subject: Fuck You

You’re a allotment of bits for talking about my burghal like that.

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Mike:

Subject: [None]

You complete like a brainless ass Bobcat cynic who gives a bits what you anticipate booty your cavalcade and stick it up your ass. We don’t charge bobcat haters you impaired jackass

Sent from my iPhone

Samer’s dad:

Subject: [None]

I accept been account some of your autograph on “Deadspin”!!!! I was not amused by the accent “sports writers use” !!! What is this actuality about accessory and dark balls!!! You got to be abashed of yourself. Isn’t abundant sports in the U.S. is the best agitated anatomy ..it has to be the best abusive as well???

Nicolas:

Subject: Commodity about the Raiders

Extremely barbarous commodity about my team. I account the bluntness though. It is accurate we accept complete bits for added than decade now (no kidding, right?). Why am I still a fan? Because this is all I know. You sit there and address about a abhorrent fan base, yet you don’t address about our adherence to our team. I now catechism who you alarm yourself a fan of, aback we’re such “morons” for still actuality admirers of the Raiders. There’s no allowance for capricious fans. Yes, some of the admirers may not be the brightest nor the friendliest, but we’re abiding bigger than any bitch-bandwagon admirers to addition team. 49er admirers are the complete affliction I acquaint you. And sure, I’ve annoyed my arch MANY times with our cadre decisions, who hasn’t? I will still ALWAYS represent the Raider Nation. It may be a brainless accommodation on my allotment to added people, but I couldn’t accord a bits what they think.

You’re commodity got my claret boiling, I won’t lie to you. Maybe the barbarous bluntness is what we need. But don’t absolutely bandy our fan abject into the shitter.

Jeff:

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Subject: FUCK YOU!

I’m kidding, but not really. Your commodity about STL was for complete mean, not aloof the argot in audacity bits you do about every added team. You didn’t aloof back-bite the Rams, you bashed my complete city. You act like I alive in some absolute shithole, amidst by added shitholes that haven’t showered in a few days.

I like the Cardinals (baseball), because why wouldn’t I? It seems awe-inspiring to me that there is so abundant abhorrence against a aggregation like the cards, aback we are annihilation like the Yankees. That “Cardinal Way” babble is alone spewed by media peeps, no one I apperceive has anytime said that in a non-ironic way, and I am no fucking hipster.

I adulation your “Your Aggregation Sucks” articles, because they are funny. I alike bought your fucking books because I aloof about like the way you write. But the commodity about the Rams…fuck man….it didn’t alike accept annihilation to do with the rams. I assumption that ability be a affectation of aloof how shitty we are.

Either way, I adulation aback bodies say bits about how there is annihilation to do here. What absolutely do added cities accept to do that we don’t? We accept a apple chic zoo (free), museums, a esplanade that is rivaled alone by Central Park, and affluence of places to eat and drink. We additionally accept several nice accompaniment parks. And Grants Farm ability be a accumulated place, but it’s still a abuse nice abode to booty my ancestors actuality and there.

I apperceive the commodity is declared to be funny. But the one about St. Louis wasn’t declared to be funny, it was meant to be mean. The AZ cards one the aing day was calmly the best afraid one I read, and they are the accurate racist s that appetite to accumulate Mexicans out of our country, aloof because it ability aching their aboriginal armpit.

I’ve apprehend all the articles. The Rams, so far, in my opinion, was the best shitty, and I aloof can’t accept that.

I don’t alike apperceive why I am autograph you, I aloof feel like we (St. Louis) got a raw accord in your article.

I assumption that’s it. Go fuck yourself Drew.

Kristen:

Subject: This is why your commodity

I’m all for chargeless accent and your commodity had some absolutely accurate points.

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I abhorrence Macklemore. I abhorrence Starbucks and Howard Schultz. Century articulation is loud because of the architecture but it’s kinda allotment of the d right? To be loud on aegis and every amphitheater does it. At atomic we didn’t do any brainless “1,2,3, scream!” to breach any record, it aloof happened because anybody makes such a big accord out of it. I absolutely get loud on defense, as I would in any stadium. I like to alcohol during football, can’t say abundant for the methheads. I’m abiding they’re everywhere. As are fairweather admirers & bandage wagoners, whatever you wanna alarm them. But labeling tens of bags of admirers as the aforementioned actuality is complete balderdash shit. This is why your commodity as a accomplished . And your complete benightedness is what will accumulate you from anytime actuality a abundant writer. I accept no ascendancy over who coaches my hometown team, who’s on the roster, and how any of those bodies conduct themselves. I am however, a die adamantine Seattle fan til the day I die. And I’m no hippie, granola lovin, timberline huggin, wanna be Portlander either. I adulation my burghal for abounding reasons, accept you anytime been to Seattle? I’ve lived actuality all my activity and maybe that makes me biased. But I’ve abiding for the mariners, Seahawks and sonics aback I can remember, alike aback they suck. I am aloft captivated to accept such a assertive aggregation actuality in Seattle because it feels like all those years of acclaim on afflictive teams has assuredly paid off. Alike the mariners are blame ass appropriate now. And I fucking adulation it. What makes me added ailing is the bodies who abound up in one abode all their activity and are admirers of the fucking Yankees or whatever aloof because they’re the best. That to me is added fucked up than actuality a fairweather fan. Why don’t you alarm out those idiots?

I’m d your accessories are for the best allotment ball and not for annihilation accidentally able to be taken abroad from it. But don’t be THE ablution bag and accede that any burghal has ablution bag admirers that will alone appear out aback the aggregation is thriving. Every burghal will bless aback their aggregation dominates the d like we do and brings home their aboriginal championship. And I’m abiding there are methheads acclaim on your aggregation too.

This is why your commodity .

Kristen Bradford

Sent from my iPhone

Bryan:

Subject: C’mon, man!

I apperceive I ability complete hurt, but authoritative fun of the shareholders’ “investment” is a complete harbinger man. Every so generally some from Edward Jones comes out with a wry allotment like the one you affiliated to cogent anybody what suckers the buyers are. “Joke’s on those impaired buyers—SUCKERS!!” Newsflash: NO ONE BUYS PACKERS SHARES AS AN INVESTMENT. I replaced a bald bank with a allotment certificate, aloof like my mom and dad replaced a bald bank with a account of my babe and disordered painting of some bodies afire leaves in advanced of an old barn. None of us believes we are activity to retire on the gain of our corresponding bank hanging—it looks bigger than a bald wall. Similarly, I don’t charge a shirt that says “Pederson” on the aback to watch a Vikings game, and a shirt that doesn’t say “Pederson” is abundant cheaper. But they advertise lots of those, and the aberration amid a apparent white Hanes tshirt ($3) and an official jersey ($294.95) is, if you chase these morons’ logic, a “charitable contribution” to the NFL, Nike, the NFLPA, the Vikings, Adrian Pederson, and whomever else. And (i) that is antic acumen because things accept amount aloft and aloft advance amount and (ii) fuck the NFL and Nike (and the Vikings, but that’s advancing from a non-fan and accession who lived in arctic Iowa for 20 years amidst by asthmatic letters of their hapless existence).

Ask that fucking bandit Zigy Wolf how he is allotment his new amphitheater (HINT: No one gets annihilation to adhere on the wall).

Love your stuff, dude. Your ancestor bits makes me beam because if I don’t I’ll cry.

-Bryan

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