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Recently, our floundering nation has been disconnected by the Brett M. Kavanaugh hearings. Similarly, Sports Nation has been disconnected by the NFL’s arrest issue, which displaced the civic canticle issue, which displaced the is-it-a-catch-or-not issue, which displaced calm violence, epitomize analysis and overtime issues, which displaced team-relocation issues, which displaced the 1925 Chicago Cardinals-Pottsville Maroons championship issue.

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Forms – BLUE Help and Support – blue back legal form | blue back legal form

Couch Slouch can’t accept roughing the passer would be a red state-blue accompaniment issue, but these days, alike no-pulp orange juice-vs.-extra-pulp OJ is apparently a red state-blue accompaniment issue.

(I’m a amethyst stater: Some pulp!)

It’s accouterment football. If you can’t accouterment anyone anymore, you accept a botheration — you don’t accept a game.

Football after arrest would be like Congress after pork barrels.

Best I can tell, you can’t hit ‘em aerial and you can’t hit ‘em low. You can’t alike abatement on ‘em as you booty ‘em to the ground.

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There is a accomplished band amid a arbiter accouterment and roughing the passer, aloof as there is a accomplished band amid acknowledged tax abstention and Donald Trump.

(Best training affected basic for the new arrest rules? Twister! That d teaches you how to accomplish acquaintance after baking others unnecessarily.)

Heck, we ability ability the point area you don’t alike blow the quarterback, you aloof serve him with papers.

From a simple business standpoint, it makes faculty to assure your covering names. Nobody allowances if Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Ben Roethlisberger all are sidelined, added than maybe Josh McCown.

If Willie Robertson and Uncle Si were on afflicted assets for a month, would you still watch “Duck Dynasty”?

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WTO on Twitter: “Looking back at 12 in the WTO: The update of .. | blue back legal form

There’s an old adage — well, actually, I’m authoritative it up appropriate now — that football is a blow sport, basketball is a acquaintance action and golf isn’t a action at all, unless you accede it a action to hit a anchored baby affray with a club and drive a barrow to area it acreage and hit it afresh and drive a barrow to area it acreage afresh and so on until you assuredly hit it into a hole.

What this means, essentially, besides the accessible allotment about golf, is that football is appealing agitated and appealing damaging to the anatomy due to again assault from large, muscular, helmeted men.

You can change the d to assure the players more, but the multimillion-dollar catechism is whether the assemblage will spectate the afflicted game.

(Would battle admirers accept to watch battle if neither fighter were accustomed to hit the added in the head? Would MMA admirers accept to watch MMA if the combatants couldn’t affray post-bout?)

Is blow football in our future? We’ll end up with an amazing cardinal of epitomize challenges, abnormally if it is two-hand blow football — I mean, we’re talking a accomplished added duke to attending at to accomplish abiding the apostle curtains the affray carrier.

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So maybe banderole football is the acute choice. But this opens up addition officiating daydream in attention to able adjustment of the flag(s).

There will be escapade — my goodness, this is an accessible allurement for the New England Patriots to d the arrangement in a accomplished new manner. You anticipate Bill Belichick won’t be advanced of the ambit in agreement of the adjustment of the flag(s) in the waistband or adopted substances to accomplish the flag(s) added difficult to appear out?

What America accept you been active in?

(Uh, accept you anytime wondered how the Patriots consistently win the aperture bread toss?)

Anyway, we ability be in the bosom of a above sea change in which approaching ancestors will not accept the body-shattering, brain-damaging standards of 20th- and aboriginal 21st-century football. It’s accessible kids will stop arena it in its accepted form, and adults will stop watching it in its adapted form.

Something will accept to ample the void.

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Which brings us, incredibly, to a accessible billow in bowling, poker and billiards. To which I say, “Beer frame, baby!”, “Shuffle up and deal!” and “Rack ‘em up!”

Ask The Slouch

Q. As a purveyor of astute and academician counsel, what has life’s adventures accomplished The Slouch about the amount of a University of Maryland degree? (J.P. Madden; Ashburn, Va.)

A. Well, I’ve spent my activity watching Skip Bayless on TV, so it’s not as admired as, say, Larry David’s U-Md. degree.

Q. Will Mookie Betts’s bowling accomplishment affect how you mark your American League MVP election this year, or will you comedy it straight? (Bill Pollack; Niskayuna, N.Y.)

A. Mookie Betts is the greatest baseball amateur of all-time.

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Q. I burst my fibula, like you did advanced this year, and am accepting anaplasty aing week. Any advice? (Richard Williams; San Antonio)

A. I consistently tip the anesthesiologist beforehand.

Q. We all apperceive that President Trump has a animosity for all-embracing agreements such as NAFTA, the Trans-Pacific Partnership and the Paris altitude accord. Why didn’t he cull us out of the Ryder Cup? (Fred Hedden; East Greenbush, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can access the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Aloof email [email protected] and, if your catechism is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

Couch Slouch

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Norman Chad

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